You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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