i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
