I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Umm I'm too high to move.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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