That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
