I got her a Nickelback box set.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
