It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize