is your mom at the bar?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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