I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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