Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
