our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
