Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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