so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
