I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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