While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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