Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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