i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
