Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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