okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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