There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
