Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
