Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize