I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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