It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
