Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
