what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
