My nipple is on Facebook.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
