You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
