he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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