Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize