so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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