I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
