There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize