dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
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