I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
