I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
