I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize