fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
