and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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