so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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