You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
