went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
