she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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