Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
