No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
