Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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