I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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