Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
