Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Randomize
