Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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