when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
