you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
