Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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