I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
