evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
