Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
