a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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