Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You are a genius and a whore.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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