I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
