wakey wakey hands off snakey
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
