I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
