My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Randomize
