i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
