I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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