we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
