so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
