I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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