At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize