dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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