Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
