I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I currently don't understand fingers.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
