Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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