It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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