my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
