It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
