So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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