call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
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