I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
