planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I wish you could order shots online.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
3 2 1 whiskey
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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