Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
