remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
