I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
