i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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