Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
im holly from the hills drunk
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
