i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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