I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
id be glad to
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize