Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
