Your mouth is God's brothel.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize