dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
