the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
