he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize