the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
