he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
