Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
