Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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