you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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