i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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