the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
