Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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