i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
