WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize