Too much gin, very little bucket
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
