My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
