giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
