We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
