is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
